Of course, Old Earth was better, when we were younger and everyone still lived there. But when they realized that giant asteroid was coming to destroy the planet and they evacuated us all to New Earth, we never expected it would be this nice. And it’s almost the same, really. You have to know exactly what to look for to spot the differences.

The gravity’s a little heavier here on New Earth, and the sun’s a little hotter. And if you look carefully at the stars at night you can see we’re not quite where we used to be. Which is why there’s so much light pollution now, so you can’t see the stars very well. Keeps the masses from noticing.

Not that it would be that big a deal if they did notice, mind you. I mean, they all knew when we were evacuated, but the government was able to distract them with new TV shows like Downton Abbey and Game of Thrones, and the elections and other political shenanigans, and they forgot pretty quickly. So if they do notice that this planet somehow has dogs that look like pandas and deep sea fish that look like Abe Vigoda, and some dim memory stirs that it wasn’t always that way, they’ll forget again soon enough.

Oh, you say you don’t remember Old Earth and the evacuation? Look, something shiny!