You have to love a brand so big, it can charge you to advertise it. That’s right, I’m talking about you, The Big Game. Other businesses can’t sell large screen TVs to watch your commercials on, commercials that are the most expensive commercial time ever sold, and mention that you are what folks can watch on their big screen TV, without paying to mention your actual name.

Even the sellers of Popular Cola Drinks in Iconic Red Cans and Triangular Cheese-Flavored Tortilla Chips can’t mention your name without paying, when they suggest that folks might want to buy Popular Cola Drinks in Iconic Red Cans and Triangular Cheese-Flavored Tortilla Chips to serve at parties where they and their friends watch the most expensive commercials ever made on large-screen TVs they purchased for that purpose.

So why am I grateful? Because once The Big Game starts, I can go out and shop for a large screen TV or Popular Cola Drinks in Iconic Red Cans and Triangular Cheese-Flavored Tortilla Chips, eat at restaurants (the ones that don’t have large screen TVs) that are normally booked months in advance, and drive on highways that are as devoid of traffic as they will be after the zombie apocalypse. And if, in the process, I miss seeing Katy Perry and some sharks, well, that’s kind of sad, but it’s a price I’m willing to pay.

So thanks, The Big Game. I’m grateful!